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Thursday, October 22, 2009


All characters in this story are fictional and bear no resemblance to anyone dead or living


After the great Mumbai floods engineers were repairing the sewer system of the city, an engineer mistakenly planted dynamite on one of the lines, the blast was big, and it released crores of tonnes of pure Golden shit on one of the suburbs of mumbai. To check the devestation all the shit was diverted to a large 25000 acre area designated for a SEZ soon. Area sinked, and it definitely stinked.

In that plot was hidden long back, a treasure of immense value, all of it pure gold.

Present Day

Bhairav is the coolest rag picker in the town of Mumbai, has two of everything, but misses the essential thing which should exist in pair. Apprently his boxing buddy, Langdu Sethji with manly boobs and a raunchy paunch kicked him in his gehnas once. From that day, Bhairav yearns for everything in pairs.

Langdu and Bhairav are the best rag pickers in town, but Langdu can swim saala, and that too in shit. Bhairav wants to go for treasure in the shit laden area, but Langdu says no.

Langdu's wife munni is an expert in picking rag underpants, which she even tries on herself at times. she is hot though and even Bhairav has the hots for her ;). Munni says she is poor (thats why lesser clothes) & wants to be rich & start a Safai Vidyalaya on the lines of one by Baapu at Ahmedadbad.

Cut Scene- Andheri

Langdu's brother is the top begger in Andheri, popularly known as Spam he also rides in a haathgaadi (Shaan movie's Mazhar Khan style). At night he takes part in an underground haathgaadi drifitng race. Haathgaadi race expert Don Karnash challenges him in front of his hot eucuch friend chikki. Chikki drops her pallu for the race to begin, and Spam wins it. Don Karnash asks spam to deliver a box for him which he misplaces. In between he falls in love with Chikki. Don Karnash him for life and even burns is haathgaadi. Spam hitchhikes and reaches the boundaries of Shithole where Munni, Bhairav & Langdu are waiting...

(I am cutting on the hit song, Haggi Waggi, by Chilly Min-Hug and few other songs...)

These guys hang out near the shit pond, singing Balluuuu, yeh saans pukaare, Baluuu...

and all of a sudden appears Balu, along with Madam Ritika Mahalingam and Kid Cloud waala. Punter and Dolly are not seen though.

It seems Balu is a dushman of Don Karnash & wants him badly. In the mean time Langdu developes a liking for Madam Mahalingam, much to the distaste of munni, who starts wearing even dirtier and smaller rags to catch his attention.


Don Karnash wants money from spam for loosing his box of whatever, 50 Mn Zimbabwean Dollars. As Spam and others are unaware about the latest currency rates they get scared and plan to go for the treasure. Balu has a seaplane which can carry them to shitpond and Langdu knows the location. It seems his dad almost reached the treasure. When he tells the story Kid Cloudwaala realises that he is Langdu & spam's brother who got lost on the day of floods.

But Langdu has a secret to share.

It seems their dad was off to find some treasure and he found it somewhere in the mid of shit pond, but Langdu was having loosemotions that day, and he used to the pond to do you know what. The level started rising and his dad lost control and sunk and died. Langdu is scared of that place.

But he is convinced and Balu drops him using his seaplane to the location. Here they put the anchor, Madam Mahalingam & Munni cook food and the guys go for treasure hunting.

Shit main tairne ke teen golden rule,

- Never breath
- Hamesha Saath main raho
- Never shit...otherwise, you know what can happen

They find the treasure, but Don Karnash comes and as usual grabs the heroines. Then they come out of rooms and the dress area of their arms is removed (remember the old movies, what this signified, confused me ). Anyways heros have found the treasure now (100 20 KG toilets made of solid gold), but Balu starts breathing and dies of the smell, being heavy he sinks too. The others float back, fight and rescue heriones. Bhairav is found missing.

Don Karnash tells everyone that he and Bhairav planned this and now he would kill everyone. Bhairav comes up and tells that he fooled everyone because Langdu being color blind too was the only one who could have spotted Yellow in Yellow. so he picked him and made a fool of him. He runs away and kills Don Karnash on the way by flushing him in the pond.

Madam Mahalingam uses the seaplane to go away and other live happily, but one day Bhairav calls and tells them that he has progressed from being a rag picker to India's largest toilet manufacturer, all Yellow in color. And Chikki is his wife or something.

**The End**

Request: Dont watch Blue, please

मदन - कहानी एक Pub की

***Starring ***

( I have decided to write a book on the life and times of this guy)



***Friendly Appearance***

Anit Pacob Jillpose

***Scene-1 ***

Somewhere on quite nice crowded street on Bangalore (crowd is implicit in Bangalore), ambling around are three stupid looking individuals, quite visibly mistaking the road as a Bird Sanctuary. ( For people in Bangalore I am referring the set of perpendicular roads connecting from Jyoti Nivas College-Koramangala 4th Block side to Forum-100ft road connection).

But enough of birds, these guys have never got them, one of them although carries the distinction of breaking eggs :), lot of them :D. Who's interested, Chipu, Rattu and Bhussu just want some beer, and they will get it at Madan Pub. Small shabby looking place where evil ideas thrive, men with rotten faces, dirty lungis and unbrushed moustaches laugh like Ashok Vatika Sita Kidnappers, light is dim, TV always throws a classic Rajkumar Classic (the same one always where he plays a Rajkumar) and waiters serve with uncut nails filled with smudge..yuk

But beer is cheap and thats Ok, for us :)

This place was discovered by Fake Kannada speaking Bho-Bho-ti, patronised by the wide assed king of bangalore, Pat-Rick & made popular by rattu. Anit Pacob Jillpose lived in Pune but he dreamt of going to madan, and Khakre cracked up as we muttered him stories of Madan.

Madan Rocks, no... Madan Mahaan hai :)

In an area full of beautiful chiks and chikkis, this is the place, where Men can be Men, and not those spiked hairs, loose jeans, jockey showing lean kids, they can hold their drink with pride and drink and bask in the glory of the super dim lights which make you look, evil.

I dont remember whether Mimpy visited it, but this is a place liked by 3 of us who came here tonight, me, Bhussu, Chipu. Bhussu loves drinking, and following it up with Hyderabadi Biryani, Drinking loves Chipu, and will always love him. As for me, I can walk downstairs to pick up Mysore Pak off Adayar anand bhavan :)

But as Mimpy says, yeh ek Mahaan jagah hai, so ashtumaadi

Kahani starts when Nippu comes to Bangalore... till then wait maadi

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Another Kiddie incident

Posted one long back on Kids. Today was time for another classic incident:)

Words from a 6th Class Kiddo on the car backseat,

"Virginity is a man's gift to his wife"

Couldn;t stop laughing for the next few hours, Gen Next/X/Y/Z/Whatever is really scary at times :)

Friday, October 09, 2009

life with an addict...

He was happy, used to talk while he slept, but apart from them, quite Ok. Used to loose apetite once in a while, but apart form that, Ok. He thought smoking is bad, drinking is bad too. But he was addicted. And that too to...

Well I entered the room that day, and he suddenly had hidden it. He used to hide it in drawers, almirah, below the bed in a suitcase. I knew every spot, but how could he, I still didn't believe it.

I got a hint, that day at Bandra, near carter road CCD, we saw a bunch of young kids smoking it, and it smelled like, you know what. He had won a bet and asked me for something. I paid 150 bucks for it.

It was Chocolate, and in the room were being gobbled up tonnes of Lindt, Toblerones, Cadbury, Ferreros and what not. I knew it. He was an addict.

Addicted to chocolates.

I just pray he returns to the original addiction, unAdulterated. The new one doesn't suit him. It suits me :)

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Of things Artificial, and those Natural

Love being Natural?

Yes you would say, but are we ever natural!

On an auto ride with my friend in Delhi we debated the artificial vs. natural thing like never before, especially in the context of Delhi, debate continued at an engg. college friend's home party.

We have two sides (we is generalized by people coming from smaller towns & cities), one is natural, likes meeting people, sitting with family and friends, enjoying nice street food, being part of festivals, going to temple sometimes, roaming around and having a nice relaxing evening followed by a movie on TV and some nice sleep.

The other side, goes to Pubs, drinks the hell out of oneself; multiplexes: buys popcorn worth 70 bucks (within 44 Rs. I used to enjoy pop corn, a movie, cold drink and a two way bus ride to city during school days), watches a movie a week, walks into a mall: window shops, really shops and just keeps on spending through the clutter of restaurants, food courts and ice cream parlors.

And after moving to cities (and especially after we started earning), we sort of have started living more like the latter than former. Although the joy of living life this style is hardly long lasting.

For a city, you would consider Gurgaon the best in India, super awesome roads, beautiful buildings, so many malls. My first day here I wanted to buy some innerwear, and I told my friend, so my friend asked Levis or Nike store? A city where people think of malls even while buying chaddi baniyaan!!! Its not their fault, this place is the pinnacle of consumerist culture and show-baazi, a practice linked to most of North India. Although I am not accusing all of this, there have been strange exceptions right from UG to PG days and they are all dear friends. But mostly a region characterized by slight rudeness in the way people talk, slight aggression, and a fascination to show that one can splurge money.

Compare that to the long walks I had in Old Delhi near Redfort through Ramlilas. Regular people, enjoying with families, having fun and a great time, & contrast it too hardly-anything-wearing-girls in GK or South ex at night, have seen a bit of all in the past few days. From the aloo chaat & paani puris in Old Delhi to 70 Rs dosas in Gurgaon fort, a nice mix of Artificial and natural awaits us everywhere we go.

Its on us and only on us, that which path we choose.

Many here want to fake it to make it, but I think they would be just fine if they just try to make it…

Right now for me I am trying to balance the two, somehow unsuccessfully