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Thursday, October 22, 2009


All characters in this story are fictional and bear no resemblance to anyone dead or living


After the great Mumbai floods engineers were repairing the sewer system of the city, an engineer mistakenly planted dynamite on one of the lines, the blast was big, and it released crores of tonnes of pure Golden shit on one of the suburbs of mumbai. To check the devestation all the shit was diverted to a large 25000 acre area designated for a SEZ soon. Area sinked, and it definitely stinked.

In that plot was hidden long back, a treasure of immense value, all of it pure gold.

Present Day

Bhairav is the coolest rag picker in the town of Mumbai, has two of everything, but misses the essential thing which should exist in pair. Apprently his boxing buddy, Langdu Sethji with manly boobs and a raunchy paunch kicked him in his gehnas once. From that day, Bhairav yearns for everything in pairs.

Langdu and Bhairav are the best rag pickers in town, but Langdu can swim saala, and that too in shit. Bhairav wants to go for treasure in the shit laden area, but Langdu says no.

Langdu's wife munni is an expert in picking rag underpants, which she even tries on herself at times. she is hot though and even Bhairav has the hots for her ;). Munni says she is poor (thats why lesser clothes) & wants to be rich & start a Safai Vidyalaya on the lines of one by Baapu at Ahmedadbad.

Cut Scene- Andheri

Langdu's brother is the top begger in Andheri, popularly known as Spam he also rides in a haathgaadi (Shaan movie's Mazhar Khan style). At night he takes part in an underground haathgaadi drifitng race. Haathgaadi race expert Don Karnash challenges him in front of his hot eucuch friend chikki. Chikki drops her pallu for the race to begin, and Spam wins it. Don Karnash asks spam to deliver a box for him which he misplaces. In between he falls in love with Chikki. Don Karnash him for life and even burns is haathgaadi. Spam hitchhikes and reaches the boundaries of Shithole where Munni, Bhairav & Langdu are waiting...

(I am cutting on the hit song, Haggi Waggi, by Chilly Min-Hug and few other songs...)

These guys hang out near the shit pond, singing Balluuuu, yeh saans pukaare, Baluuu...

and all of a sudden appears Balu, along with Madam Ritika Mahalingam and Kid Cloud waala. Punter and Dolly are not seen though.

It seems Balu is a dushman of Don Karnash & wants him badly. In the mean time Langdu developes a liking for Madam Mahalingam, much to the distaste of munni, who starts wearing even dirtier and smaller rags to catch his attention.


Don Karnash wants money from spam for loosing his box of whatever, 50 Mn Zimbabwean Dollars. As Spam and others are unaware about the latest currency rates they get scared and plan to go for the treasure. Balu has a seaplane which can carry them to shitpond and Langdu knows the location. It seems his dad almost reached the treasure. When he tells the story Kid Cloudwaala realises that he is Langdu & spam's brother who got lost on the day of floods.

But Langdu has a secret to share.

It seems their dad was off to find some treasure and he found it somewhere in the mid of shit pond, but Langdu was having loosemotions that day, and he used to the pond to do you know what. The level started rising and his dad lost control and sunk and died. Langdu is scared of that place.

But he is convinced and Balu drops him using his seaplane to the location. Here they put the anchor, Madam Mahalingam & Munni cook food and the guys go for treasure hunting.

Shit main tairne ke teen golden rule,

- Never breath
- Hamesha Saath main raho
- Never shit...otherwise, you know what can happen

They find the treasure, but Don Karnash comes and as usual grabs the heroines. Then they come out of rooms and the dress area of their arms is removed (remember the old movies, what this signified, confused me ). Anyways heros have found the treasure now (100 20 KG toilets made of solid gold), but Balu starts breathing and dies of the smell, being heavy he sinks too. The others float back, fight and rescue heriones. Bhairav is found missing.

Don Karnash tells everyone that he and Bhairav planned this and now he would kill everyone. Bhairav comes up and tells that he fooled everyone because Langdu being color blind too was the only one who could have spotted Yellow in Yellow. so he picked him and made a fool of him. He runs away and kills Don Karnash on the way by flushing him in the pond.

Madam Mahalingam uses the seaplane to go away and other live happily, but one day Bhairav calls and tells them that he has progressed from being a rag picker to India's largest toilet manufacturer, all Yellow in color. And Chikki is his wife or something.

**The End**

Request: Dont watch Blue, please


TheQuark said...

Bawal kisi European surreal movie se kam nahi lag rahi

TheQuark said...

wo coldplay ka gana fit baithega isme "And they were all yellow ..."

Avinash Varma said...

Small Correction.Replace Rahul with Don Karnash in the below sentence.
Rahul threatens him for life and even burns is haathgaadi.